If you’ve been cheated on, you might be all too familiar with that sickening, gut-wrenching feeling as it sinks in. You may feel like the floor has dropped out from underneath you and your relationship and that everything you thought was true is now a lie. It can be a profoundly upsetting and painful experience. But could infidelity cause PTSD?
Unlike other traumatic experiences, infidelity is unique because it is an ongoing experience that continues long after you find out about the affair. You have to deal not only with the initial shock but with the reverberations from the fallout of your partner’s betrayal. This ongoing trauma can lead to PTSD symptoms that make it difficult for you to resume your life and regain your sense of self.
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Synonyms of PTSD
People with PTSD relive the trauma repeatedly in the form of flashbacks or nightmares. They may try to avoid situations that remind them of the event, and they may have strong adverse reactions to things that trigger memories of the trauma. They can also have intense feelings of guilt or shame about what happened. And they may feel alienated from family members and friends who don’t understand what they’re going through. A relationship betrayal isn’t physically threatening like combat or an assault, but it can be psychologically damaging nonetheless.
People with PTSD from Cheating often have trouble trusting people, even though they desperately want to believe in others. Victims of cheating can’t help but doubt their partner’s loyalty, even when they know their partner truly loves them. People who have suffered trauma also often experience triggers that remind them of the painful incident, whether it’s the sound of a gunshot or a loud crash which can cause a person to relive the pain all over again. Someone who has been cheated on might see a couple holding hands and feel hurt because they wish it were them with their partner. The pain can be so intense that it interferes with regular life functions such as sleeping or working.
Surviving Infidelity PTSD
Head shape with PTSD Post traumatic stress disorder.
It’s common for couples to go through a period where they feel angry and resentful towards each other after one partner has cheated. In some cases, infidelity can be a catalyst for couples to look at their relationship and make crucial changes.
The first thing you need to realize is that it will take time before you can trust your partner again. There will be times when you feel like you’re making progress, and then something will happen that makes you question everything again. This is normal–you’ll experience all kinds of emotions while trying to recover, so don’t fight them or push them away. You should also know that just because you’re feeling angry or resentful doesn’t mean that you’re not committed to your marriage or partnership. As hard as it is, try not to focus on what happened in the past. Instead, focus on what needs to be done now.
What Can You Do After Being Cheated On?
Acceptance is the first step. You need to accept that your partner has been unfaithful and that you may never get an explanation as to why or how it happened. You also need to accept that you might never get back together with this person again. If they can’t come clean about what they did, then there’s no point even trying to salvage your relationship with them because they aren’t going to change their ways anytime soon.
If you feel any PTSD symptoms after being cheated on, it’s crucial to seek professional help immediately, maybe before confronting your partner. A therapist will be able to help you healthily process your emotions, so you don’t end up hurting yourself or someone else in the process of trying to get closure for what happened between you two.
The Bottom Line
Being cheated on is one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship. The betrayal, the broken trust — it’s something that leaves scars and a lot of unanswered questions. Anyone who has been cheated on can attest that the experience is painful, but how it affects people is highly variable. Similarly, some people may be more susceptible to the negative effects of being cheated on than others. If you think you might be suffering from these symptoms after a breakup or betrayal, don’t assume that it’s normal, you deserve to get the best help available.